Comments on: Taking the Stitches Off

By: Bhanu Prasad

Bhanu Prasad — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 07:12:24 +0000

The days of assertiveness, strong talk and bossy attitudes have all but numbered.

Even when I allocate the work to my sub-ordinates , I never say “Do that or else…”. It is always to adopt the approach “This task is really vital and challenging. This is the reason for putting you in responsibility for this . I am sure you would be able to finish this by today”.

Workplace has evolved and insisting women to be bossy and ultra- assertive, as men of 70’s and 80’s, is counterproductive. In fact I had the rare misfortune of working with one such female supervisor. I intently bungled up the work to get her a lesson from higher management.

By: High Priestess

High Priestess — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 17:32:07 +0000

When in India I noticed that women tend to have very high pitched voices there as contrast with other countries I have travelled to.

And if you notice the female vocalists who sing popular and much loved songs, they tend to have even higher pitched voices (when singing), than even the already high pitched masses.

I assumed that high pitched voice is considered “beautiful” in India.

I also read that it is common for women to go very high and very loud when they feel they are not being heard, in India.

By: tinarathore

tinarathore — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:34:04 +0000

we all share the same plight…women are always expected to ’shut their mouth’, they aren’t suppose to have opinion…they are to only follow them. “aage ghar jana hai”( you’ll have to go to the other house, where you’ll be married) is a common phrase i hear in many households, mothers asking their girls to be decent. ( by decency they mean everything that is “expected of a woman”)

By: Glass Castle

Glass Castle — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 08:02:08 +0000

Hiya, just wanted to leave a comment to let you know about Glass Castle, a new feminist webzine focused on Singapore but also with some international coverage. I thought this post was really fabulous so we linked you in our latest blog entry. Looking forward to reading more interesting stuff here.

- Jolene

By: Luiza

Luiza — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:29:26 +0000

Brilliant post. That’s all.

By: theradicalancient

theradicalancient — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:54:10 +0000

Oh, and I like the idea of dissociating “speech roles” from gender – if we are to have “speech roles” at all. After all, everything in a conversation depends upon the participating individuals. We – all, men and women – need to settle on the balance between being ourselves and getting our ends met.

By: theradicalancient

theradicalancient — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:43:04 +0000

Great post, and again you’re raising a question that has been playing around quite a bit in my personal life, but one I never voiced as clearly as this. My voice is naturally powerful(read: loud) and low-pitched, to top it off I naturally speak with a low inflection.
These days, I’ve learned to tone it down to the extent that I speak softly but firmly, adding a “please” but keep repeating it till the work gets done. Caters to the men’s insecurity, gets the work done. A compromise.

The question I’m yet to figure out is – do men ever think, do they change, or is it just us doing all the thinking, planning, acting and demanding action? What is actually going on? I feel really foggy about this feminism thing, and gender as a whole.

By: Anindita Sengupta

Anindita Sengupta — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 10:08:00 +0000

Falstaff: No I haven’t…thanks for the reco. Will definitely check it out. I agree with you that speech roles should be delinked from gender. On another note though, I’m also uncomfortable about too many speech roles per se. Maybe, I’m being idealistic and purist and all that but what happens to finding the authentic voice in a world where we’re always being pushed into roles and labels? Isn’t this part of why in most situations, most people sound so hideously unoriginal and boring because the leap from modulating how we say something to what we actually say is a small one, no?

Meena: Thanks. And yes, of course swear words is a big problem. It’s amazing how even the most liberal men find it either offensive or vaguely titillating when a woman uses swear words.

Apurva: Thank you.

Sowmya: Oh god, yeah this is such a refrain in most offices, isn’t it? Don’t give up home though — I’ve met some men who are okay with it. And maybe in time, more will be.

Iona: Thank you.

Linda: That’s a favourite opening line, I think, for many of us. And of course, when a man speaks like that he is considered namby-pamby and ineffective.

By: linda

linda — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:27:28 +0000

I’ve noticed that women apologize a lot when they speak….like, “I’m sorry, but….” such conditioning!

By: Iona

Iona — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:43:11 +0000

Thank you for this post, it was excellent. I would argue that there isn’t a native difference between the way men and women speak but a difference so deeply socialised that it makes no difference whether it is “native” or not. You raise very good points.