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Amol Deherkar — Sat, 02 May 2009 19:53:55 +0000

I do agree about the equility that needs to be maintained in a marriage but I fail to understand a need for separation.
Separation out of marriage for me is an anomoly and a really sad one.When we say we are adults and demand to be treated like one ,isnt it childish to not know what you are getting into,specially something as important as a marriage (well if you consider it that way).
But again when I say that I do agree that we all do make mistakes and in rare circumstances divorces do become essential.
Look at it this way, I have my parents(and I did not even get a chance to choose them) they do get obnoxious at times but I dont want new ones or want to separate out from them.No matter what happens here on I will continue to respect that relationship.
And if you arent sure if its going to last a life time then yes staying together and trying out that you can is definitely a good option.
It is not about sex,or watching a movie together and enjoying it,or the long talks that you have that makes a relationship work, it is also the tough times that you go through and stay together to tell about them.It is about building something around that relationship,a home.
I remember going for treks with my friends they are hard,they are tough at times when you are soaked up in sweat and your legs are really hurting you want to give up but then you find yourself in middle of nowhere and going forward is your only option.And when you return from the trip you are really satisfied with what you have achieved.You look back at it and say to yourself good that I didnot give up.That is what I like about the old institution.
The article is demoralising and individualistic and is very shortsighted.It gives up on building something great without even starting it.By accepting separation as an institution we are doing exactly that.
But it will be tried for the sake of evolution.Men do that,they try out different things,then they hold on to what works and then the one that does not work goes out of the window.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that the idea be lying in a dumpster outside the window of a really happy home.

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Unmana — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:18:50 +0000

Vijay, you’ve raised an interesting question. My first reaction was, “Well, such women deserve what they get.” But it’s not as simple as that. They’ve been brought up to believe that women are responsible for housework and it is difficult to shake off all those years of conditioning.

Good for you for asking the question – though I suspect you asked it to the wrong person.

I believe honesty should be the foundation of a romantic relationship. If a girl thinks the worse of you because you’re good at housework, all the worse for her. I don’t think you should be with that person anyway.

I do think you’re generalising in the last paragraph, though. All women don’t want to marry the same man, you know.

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Vijay — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 12:18:50 +0000

I know, many men do household chores, especially those families who live away from in-laws.

I also know, in many families men do housework but women never tell in front of guests or other society. On the surface, they always want to show that they are typical housewives while husband has no sense of housework.

I have read many blogs, where women blame most of the men for not doing housework but they always write their ‘husband’ does housework.

I was asking one woman her opinion about my question,— I am getting married by arrange method, whether I should tell that girl before marriage that I love to do all household chores? that mentor woman answered, “never tell this or that girl would run away, she may think either you are too desperate or something is wrong with you”.

Before marriage, how many girls do confirm or ask, whether the boy is ready to do housework? Whether, he does housework is never a important criteria before marriage. Everyone wants a tall, handsome, dashing, masculine, well paid husband. After marriage same girl blames that he doesn’t do housework…

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Unmana — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:54:22 +0000

Padmini: I’ve always thought it was unfair to force married women to advertise their marital status by obvious signs like sindoor and the mangalsutra, when men aren’t expected to display the same. And I would treat any supposed connection between my mangalsutra and my husband’s health with the same derision I would treat other superstitions. I had no problem accepting it as a gift, as it seemed more like a sign of my in-laws’ acceptance of me into their family than like a symbol of my relationship with my husband. But it now lies safely in my bank locker.

As for egalitarian ceremonies: I haven’t done any research, I am afraid. But I did not want a religious ceremony, and the civil one seemed perfectly egalitarian to me. The wedding vow was extremely simple: I stated that I accepted the Guy as my husband from this day forward. There was no interpretation of what a husband’s or a wife’s role should be.

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Padmini — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 09:35:40 +0000

What do you think of the mangalasutra? It is supposed to represent a woman’s marital status; I’ve also read that it is supposed to protect her husband from harm, etc. etc. It’s such a central part of the Hindu marriage. I am Hindu, but I’m not sure if I want a mangalasutra or thali for my own wedding.

I’m also researching egalitarian Hindu wedding ceremonies. I’ve come across Arya Samaj weddings. While they are stripped down and simple, they’re still misogynistic. Any suggestions?

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Taking The Monogamy Out Of Marriage « Ultra Violet — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:46:39 +0000

[...] Posted on October 10, 2008 by Sharanya Manivannan Unmana initiated a lively discussion on marriage a few weeks ago, and there is news now that the institution as we legally define it in India may be [...]

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Pamposh — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:16:58 +0000

Yes, of course, Falstaff, you’re quite right. As you say, many, many of her old songs were in fact written by Dylan. I was just so excited to come across an old favourite singer I guess I wasn’t minding my words too much!

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Falstaff — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:51:33 +0000

Pamposh: Minor quibble, but It Ain’t Me Babe is a Dylan song; the Joan Baez cover is wonderful, as many of Baez’s covers of Dylan songs are, but it’s still a Dylan song.

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Pamposh — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 09:19:49 +0000

I know this debate has more or less run its course at last, but I couldn’t resist adding this old anti-marriage Joan Baez song that my friend recently posted on her site. Hope the link works in this way!
http://charmedphoenixrising.multiply.com/video/item/81/Joan_Baez_-_It_Aint_Me_Babe_Live_1965
I figure it can’t be bad to end with a song, pro- or anti-.

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Nandini — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:51:42 +0000

Sorry, this comment is not really in response to the post. Looking at the response and the commitment of the feminists writers on this blog, I was wondering if anyone can help me or at least point me in the general direction. I am currently involved in research reproductive rights or lack of for women in india. I did not really read any entries directly related to my area of interest. Would any of you have any recommendations for good, solid and factual information concerning the reproductive issues plaguing women in India? Thank you.