Dipali: @So many bangle wearers bring up their children with only token support from their men– Absolutely! And that role is taken for granted although it’s a 24/7 position with no sick days or vacation time.

Jayshree: I see it. Thank you for sharing.

ar sh: Not belonging works for some of us, but the pressure to conform is so tremendous, most people end up acquiescing. Good for you, though, that you could stand your ground. That remark about “surviving as a housewife” is offensive. May I ask what your mother does?

But, yeah, unthinking human beings get swept into the tide of generalizations of society. So was mom. I still like the description of being compared to a girl, as the act of rebelling, of not being part of the crowd is sweet (as sweet as being part of the crowd is for some others, as I’m realizing).

Language is a tool we use to both create and express a system of ideas that we then call culture. There is a much larger pattern that emerges when semantics are analyzed in the context of gender roles. Semantics are not just a reflection of currently crystallized gender roles but also one of the magic wands used to create and then enforce gender roles in our culture.

It’s less about why it is insulting to be called a a sissie, a girl or a eunuch and more about the larger “pattern” that emerges about the lowly place of women in a male-centric world. Insults evolve in the context of cultural value systems and so do compliments.

According to Allan Johnson (The Gender Knot) the following words had a complete different connotation a few hundred years ago.
Crone – A wise old woman who offered counsel and guidance.
Bitch – Originally associated with Diana the goddess of the hunt.
Witch – A midwife, healer and someone who knew herbs well.

Note that the male equivalent for each of the above words does not carry the same negative connotations. So language is merely re-iterating and reflecting the basic premise of male superiority that our patriarchal world is built upon.

“Wear Bangles” – Women are not active or aggressive they are passive and basically do nothing but look pretty. They wouldn’t want to break those dainty bangles would they?

“Hijra” – You are less than a man now, you almost had it and lost it (?) I suppose that is worse than never having it, i.e. manhood. Interestingly enough gay men are subject to more homophobic attacks than gay women. Gay men represent a bigger threat to what it means to be a man than gay women (?) I suppose.

“You are not a man so you won’t understand.” – I actually see parallels between this statement and the whole idea of “the white man’s burden” to civilize the rest of the world. Do any of you see it?

Okay, I’m now done ranting.

Random Aunty: “Wonderful party, Mrs. F.”

Mom: “Thank you”

RA: “I don’t know how you do it. All by yourself too.”

M: “Oh, my son helps out.”

RA: “Your son? Really?”

M: “Ya, sure. He’s very well trained. It’s almost like having a daughter.”

smiles sweetly in direction of yours truly

“Beta, go and make aunty some more tea.”

Of course, my mom also goes around telling people how she always wanted a daughter, but has come around to believing in sons. So when she compares me to a girl she means it as a compliment.

D: So my next question would be: what is so terrible about a woman’s anatomy that one should feel insulted? I’m suddenly feeling quite offended that someone would take such offense to a vagina!

Apurva: That was an attempt at sarcasm.

Jayshree: Thank you and welcome. I’ll take a look at the links.

Jiri: It could because of the underlying fear that what is uttered may be perceived to be true by others. But then again, we respond to insults in isolation as well, so perhaps they are an affront to our self-image, the default setting being “believe before you reject”. Does anyone else have thoughts on this one?

Sejal: I get where you’re coming from. Apparently my grandfather always told my mother with great pride, “You’ve taken a son’s place.” And I remember asking her as a child, “Why do you have to be a son to do everything you’ve done for him?”

m0rph3us: …..a nation best known by a MAN who preached non-violence. Ironic.

Falstaff (if I may respond to your comment to Sejal): So what did your mom say? “Oh, he’s such a girl, he helps around the house” ???