Comments on: Markers of marriage

By: Meghnad Kulkarni

Meghnad Kulkarni — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 14:13:55 +0000

Well written, sensitive, & fairly eshaustive article.
.. But it talks about the issues more than how they are presented in the actual film.

Though not the technical details like camera work, structure of the film… I would have liked it more if only you had mentioned only two scenes which illuminated these issues, the scenes that took a grip over you.

For Example: You remeber: in Benegals ‘Ankur’ when a young feudal lord beats the dumb husband of his maid, with whom he has a sexual relationship. And the end when a boy throws stone and breaks the window of this young feudal lord.

Or in Girish kasarwali’s film ‘Thaisaibha’, when the woman of the house steps out for the first time in her life when her husband is arrested.

Or in Adoors Mukhamukham When a communist revolitionary who returns dis-illusioned, and a drunkard. He has become defunct.

At the end he is murdred. ( though it is kept intentionally vague, we understand that a young man who had adored him most; has done it for his idol. etc.

I know that it is not a film criticism… yet.

Maybe the people who commented on your article had already seen the film and obviously are well versed in your language and cinema.

Regards,

Meghnad Kulkarni

By: Jab

Jab — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:49:38 +0000

so what exactly does 16 petri perumvalvu valga means? what 16 things?

By: ranjith

ranjith — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 18:35:50 +0000

excellent article… cities started changing… may be it may take longer for the rural sectors to change.. my home town is very small village in trichy, my own anni (who is called as MALADI, by all other so-called-mothers) experience various humiliation, I hate going to village for this.. whenever there is a function she stands alone outside, she never enters in… may be my brother is a good person, he never bothers about this, but the society – i mean our villagers even dont agree upon adopting a child.. its like a crime…!!!! this small village is called VAYIRISETTIPALAYAM… may be it takes 2 or 3 decades for them to change…

By: Selvi

Selvi — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:53:58 +0000

Oppressed Brahmin widows are wailing in the land of periyar. See here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDjYZcCOhvA&feature=related

Brahmin men and women singing manusmrithi in temple. See here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6IiEk352ic

By: Rekha Sameer

Rekha Sameer — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:01:44 +0000

Actally many years ago when i went to see the first kanchi swamigal, I was in the room when a well heeled gentleman introduced himself to the guru and swamigal asked hi a few questions about his business, about his brithers death and about the will of the brother. This guys said that his brother died without a will and the family had taken over everything. He was wearing thick gold chains and looked very properous. Swamigal then asked him what was the state of his brothers widow? What had he done to ensure her well being? Was she consulted in the discussion about her future? Did he do his duty to her and give her the respect she deserved. The hall by now was full of stunned people and deathly silence! the fact i still remembered it now after 25 odd years!!!.The man left the hall with his head bent in shame!!!
It was afterwards i heard that the family had totally disregared the brothers wife and she was treated as a servant in the household and every asset incldg the jewellery she got from her mother was taken away from her!
Its not disease or poverty that is the mail malais for indians; its avariciousness!..I know within my own family how money/land/property/houses/jewellery has split borthers and sisters and broken up families!
R

By: Rekha Sameer

Rekha Sameer — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 09:43:18 +0000

That was excellent read. However, some of the the so called symbols of marriage that you have described are in my opinion not necessarily so. We all wear bangles , pottu, flowers from the time we sprout hair as little girls. But for the thali, the rest are worn to celebrate our femininity isnt it?..The fact these are adornments to the ultimate celebration that of being a female.
What one tends to forget is that Indian society relies a lot on symbolism and signals. One must understand i am not trying to condone these practices but trying to look at the practicle reasons why such practices came into use in the first place. Indian society is a consevative one and we all rely on visual signals for us to take the decisions. The ceremony that takes places when a girl matures and the dress code she needs to abide by is surely a way to tell the society and the cummunity to treat her now as an mature adult? The symbols such as thali that come with marriage signify a change in the status of that girl who is now a responsible householder? The fact that widows dont wear certain symbols is again a way for them to tell society to treat them with a certain propriety? If we all went to the temple, these symbols indicate to the priest how to treat the women with the respect they deserve. He wont offer the kumkum to the widow just by glacing at her forehead and thereby save her embarrassment in the communal place such as the temple.

I am of course full of admiration of women who see themselves as individuals and not as extentions to their husbands and therefore have the confidence to live their lives in their own terms. Women should be given the choice. This awareness of course will come with education. Indians seem to give hig scores for someone who is highly educated but i feel this sort of education is one which has the horses reins over their eyes! Education must not be just academic but needs to be applied to all aspects of soceity especially the social aspect. Education is not just about material pursuit of A,B,C,D,MBA,CA,MBBS,BE and is meaningless unless applied to circumventing taboos and inhuman social practices and focus on solving social problems that beset our soceity.
Rekha

By: Meena Kandasamy

Meena Kandasamy — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 05:39:43 +0000

Revathi, yes, it takes a lot of courage to overcome these barriers. Once widows had to fight for the right to life, now they are fighting for the right to live with dignity.

Anu, stupid people these clubwallahs are. They must brush up on their English really, and offer these offers to every woman–haven’t they heard of the phrase “merry widow”–there’s really no such merry married-woman-with-husband-alive..

Prabha, glad that you wrote of what the Kanchi seer had to say. Really retrograde views about widows, and working women. As if being footloose and fancy free was all that they could be.. And even in that case, I still refuse to understand how that can make them any less “religious” (since that’s what his area of his interest should be)..

Srini, I hate to disagree, but I live in an area where there are too many elite upper castes, and one of my neighbours does where that saree, with a shaven head. People don’t really change their practices so easily. And this lady stays with just her son, but god knows why he wants to keep seeing her in that state of suffering?

Dipali, yes, no bindi does make a great statement… i gave up wearing one a long time back much to the chagrin of my relatives. One of my aunt remarks that my forehead resembles a cremation ground, that’s its really barren and so on.. and i compliment her on her imagination. wearing a pottu/bindi is also a part of protectionist discourse. Some well-meaning (?) women have advised me that if I wear a pottu a guy cannot look into my eyes and hypnotize/mesmerize me, because the red dot will distract him… But then, that’s so stupid, ‘coz why wouldn’t I want to be not mesmerized by a handsome man?

By: dipali

dipali — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 16:42:30 +0000

‘all women should unite to throw away the markers of marriage and/or femininity such as the bangles/flowers/pottu/thaali and so on? All of us might agree that these are decisions which women should take as individuals, and not just as a category, but then, what’s your take on this?)’
For the last several months, mostly due to my utter disgust with rising fundamentalist thought, I consciously stopped wearing my bindi/pottu. Here’s the link to what I had to say:
http://dipalitaneja.blogspot.com/2008/09/meri-bindiya-re.html

By: S.R.Srinivasan

S.R.Srinivasan — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 03:49:46 +0000

I remember seeing old ladies in Madras some 50 , 55 years back wearing brown , 9 yds sarees with no jewelery with shaven heads.
But when my father died we did not even think as mentioned about our mother. She continued as she was always.
But then we are neither traditional or modern!

By: Prabha Krishnan

Prabha Krishnan — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 01:47:07 +0000

Media is certainly powerful, but what about religious types who “uphold” collective morality. Decades ago when the Kanchi Kamakoti Peetham head visited, my widowed mother demanded to be taken to visit the function. I asked her why she would want to honour a man who dishonoured all women and she said I wouldn’t understand. I did escort her and spent my time outside the venue waiting for the function to be over and for my mom to recieve his “blessings”.
Currently the serial Ballika Vadhu is raising issues in a dramatic vein, but given its popularity and generally engaging storyline, it might do some good. Some of us are bringing out a book on the ideology of motherhood in India. Among many good papers,C S Lakshmi’s paper on Tamil films is worth a read. Shortly to be published by Taylor Francis.