Comments on: Women and “our” housework

By: Preeti

Preeti — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:45:21 +0000

I have no idea what Binary is talking about. His post dissolved into a rant against feminism before I could detect any cogent argument in it.
He seems to have an axe to grind against gender equality that he himself is being less than honest about. I always love it when anti-feminists conflate gender equality with ’sexlessness’. Their understanding of sexual differences seems to stem not so much from biological and physiological facts (which seem to indicate to me that gender is a continuum) as from a cultural, binary understanding of gender. Man=protector/woman=protected etc.

By: Richa

Richa — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 03:07:43 +0000

Am I only female in this whole wide world who doesn’t get bothered by house work? Don’t take me wrong. I am not a slob but I don’t do the house work when I am tired. Probably it’s because I am unmarried female who has to manage everything in her life and hence I know that I have a limit of how much work I can do and once I cross that, I quit. I don’t push myself…

By: apu

apu — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:38:09 +0000

Thanks all for your comments – including those who disagree with me – though I don’t agree at all with much of what you say ( I don’t for instance believe that assessing one’s upbringing or how society conditions us is the same as ‘blaming’) – but it is always useful to reflect on one’s writing and see how one can improve to make things clearer.

Payal – IMHO, no one can be a perfect feminist at all times; we live in a world that is shaped a certain way, and all of must choose the battles we want to fight, and the ones we want to drop.

Lolol – that ‘politics of housework’ sounds interesting. I once read a list by someone on the tasks as allotted to her and husband, and her own realization was that almost all the daily and time bound tasks were hers, whereas her husband’s were ‘big tasks’ as well but not daily ones and could be done at his own convenience. I’d say some of that applies to me as well, and may well to apply to most other women. I still view it as a positive change though – that men are taking on more household tasks than they once did.

Saika – good for you

Ammel – thanks for bringing that up. I must say, I am pretty ill-informed about it. Perhaps you would care to write something on the subject?

re-sister – thanks for de-lurking! Glad you shared your personal experience. I do think that such experiences while not “proof” as some commentors would demand, have something to say about women’s lives, and certainly, they are not isolated experiences. I think your experience illustrates quite well the transition we are going through when it comes to gender roles.

By: re-sister

re-sister — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:50:48 +0000

Thank you for this post, and your wonderful blog. Long-time reader, and first time commenter!
As someone who identifies as Indian and feminist, I have an interesting dynamic around house-work with my male partner. He too considers himself Indian and feminist, and often has to deal with my knee-jerk aggressive paranoid reactions to many things in our relationship. I grew up distrusting men so much, and swearing so hard to myself about insisting on egalitarian relationships, that sometimes get in my own way! So, it took me a while to figure out what was making me so mad in situations similar to that described in your post – of the male sitting around watching TV when there was housework to be done! I finally started questioning my assumption of why it “had” to be done, and was able to see my anxieties for what they were. But interestingly, we have since found that my partner has similar anxieties around housework that “has” to get done. It’s just that it’s over different things! So, he can’t stand a toilet/ bathroom left uncleaned for 2 weeks, while that doesn’t bother me upto a month (sometimes more!). For me, it’s laundry. And so on. So there are aspects of housework that never make it onto my list of work to be shared between us, because I don’t even notice it! And the same for him. I think that once both partners start taking the emotional responsibility and mental checklist of housework on, it can eventually lead to each person doing whatever work bothers them most if left undone. It works very well for us now!

By: Ammel ammel

Ammel ammel — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 07:24:19 +0000

I was wondering whether you could provide some information on the mobilisation of women in Kerala by Women’s Voice and Nisa over the demand for a minimum wage of Rs 3000 for housewives(or another nomenclature that captures the work)from the Government as well as compensation for accidents. Even if the govt doesnt pay heed, and maybe the demand must be made to members of the family, it is great that there are unions of housewives. More bargaining power and critical views on family!Those debates are important.

By: Saika

Saika — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 19:24:10 +0000

So I’m the ideal feminist. I don’t worry myself that the room needs cleaning, the trash can needs emptying etc. I don’t feel compelled to anything of the sort although I have got disapproval over this from countless females from grandmom to college mates. What I’ve felt on the thing is that I’m slightly irresponsible.

By: Lolol

Lolol — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 07:38:21 +0000

I meant women do the tasks that require more steps (not less steps) and more frequency..

By: Lolol

Lolol — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 07:36:24 +0000

I once read a book called “the Politics of Housework”–it was eye-opening. Also, another good book was “get to work” by linda hirshman, which outright said that every bit of time that women spend doing unpaid labor (ie housework) is a detriment to their money-earning capacity, because that is time that is not being spent in the paid labor market. She also quoted the blogger BitchPhD on an interesting way to make the division of labor in your house more equal (which was, basically say out loud everything you do in terms of housework WHILE you are doing it, so that your husband/partner hears you, for a week…eventually he will realize how much extra work you do, and either decide that he thinks it is unfair that you do this extra work and start picking up the slack, or divorce you because he would rather have you do the extra work). I also read that people who do housework that is needed to be done on a daily basis or work that involves many steps (like cooking) report greater dissatisfaction and feel more burdened than people who have to do housework tasks that need to be done relatively infrequently or do not involve many steps (like mowing a lawn). As it turns out, the housework tasks that require less steps and more frequency are the ones women traditionally choose to do or end up doing, whether out of guilt or pressure or whatever, while men do the other ones. And so, women construct a kind of “story” as to how the division of labor in their household is “fair.” (I am not trying to say that the division of labor in your household is not fair, as I don’t know the whole story and I am not trying to judge anyone).
As a single woman I don’t have to deal with this now (though I’ve had many conflicts with ex-boyfriends in the past over division of housework..I always ended up doing more) but I have learned to bring the issue of division of labor up when I am talking to a guy I am interested in or dating…and make it very clear that I am not interested in doing any more than half the work!

By: Payal

Payal — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:12:36 +0000

I am stepping into this debate a tad bit late…but I just have to agree with alan on this. I find that a lot of feminist women cant be true feminists because they continue in their regressive roles and then condone this by calling it regressive baggage…its a vicious cycle, see??

By: Alan Smithee

Alan Smithee — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:20:01 +0000

Sigh! dream & Aparna — I neither have an insight into your minds nor do I think there is no “regressive baggage” that you carry from the “gendered upbringing”. All I am saying is that the “we feel compelled to clean and so it has to be the regressive baggage” logic is shoddy. Once you discover this causality, however far-fetched it is, others are bound to concur in retrospect. Not unlike people feeling that they were sexually harassed in their workplace a decade back, after watching a workplace sensitivity video. That neither strengthens nor weakens your claim. A stronger evidence would be an anecdote where your grandmother droned on for hours about the ideal woman who kept the kitchen clean or where your visiting aunt chided you for being lazy and your mom for not having taught you good housekeeping skills.