Comments on: Single in the City

By: Ramapriya

Ramapriya — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 15:39:03 +0000

SG,
I am surprised that you got that ‘feeling.’ That was hardly the idea.

By: SG

SG — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:59:08 +0000

gud, u r able to do wat u want to. Somehow the article gives a feeling that all those who also independently chose to get married and have families made a bad choice.

By: Jayalakshmi

Jayalakshmi — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:25:46 +0000

Pathetic mentality of middle class.

Just ignore and march ahead. The world is for people like you. (thumbs up).

By: Deepa

Deepa — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 09:11:30 +0000

Hi Ramapriya. I’m late in adding my comments to the rest. For some reason this site is difficult to open. I really liked your post and identified with it very closely. Mine is what is termed as a ‘late marriage’ and until last year I was also single. I felt the same angst and anger at the subtle discriminati still single’. One even went so far as to say ‘I’m sorry’ won that I felt and probably did not deal with very well.

The constant questions from friends and relatives ‘ why are you still single’when I said I was unmarried!!! I lived alone in Ahmedabad and remember one incident. I had shifted out of my old apartment and into a new one. One day I met a woman from the old apartment. We were only nodding acquaintences. She immediately asked me ‘ why didn’t you get married?!’ – I mean no hello how are you? Straight to the heart of the matter.

I only know too well the ’spinsters are frustrated’ refrain. I had a colleague who made the mistake of using these words in my presence. I gave him a piece of mind which I hope he will remember.

I don’t understand this obsession with ’settling down’. I mean-mud settles down! Sediments settle down. When are we going to start respecting personal choices of women (and men) who chose to stay single and leave well enough alone?

By: Meera

Meera — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 08:59:11 +0000

Yeah, our society is still sticking to the old norms, but women like you are crusaders of a change. Slowly, people will learn to accept the fact that some women would love to stay single. I’m sure the reactions can sometimes be malicious. There was a woman lecturer in my college who chose to stay single. Whenever she criticized any male student, the other guys used to hush-hush that she was ‘frustrated’.

By: Seventh Carnival of Feminists « Shut Up, Sit Down

Seventh Carnival of Feminists « Shut Up, Sit Down — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:53:52 +0000

[...] Ramapriya Gopalakrishnan talks about the problems with living alone as a single woman in urban India. [...]

By: Chitra

Chitra — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:32:38 +0000

Ramapriya, thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I always find it fascinating to read about the experiences of other Indian women around the world and in India – although your account troubles me. It seems so odd that a country trying to “modernise” (whatever that might mean) is still intent on maintaining societal structures that police people, and their bodies. Living in the diaspora, I certainly experience this – but moving away from my small community has allowed me a lot more freedom to express and be myself. I only hope that constant education will create the change we seek in our communities in India and elsewhere.

By: Ramapriya

Ramapriya — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:44:33 +0000

I just posted a comment. The last word in that should read ‘all’ and not ‘well.’

By: Ramapriya

Ramapriya — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:42:58 +0000

Gramicidin, I just felt the need to point out to you while what I have said is based on my experiences and that of some other people I know; it is well possible that other single women in urban centres in India may not have faced such situations at well.

By: gramicidin

gramicidin — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 21:51:10 +0000

I saw this article through a link on feministing.com. Its like you have written about my life and thank you for that. I’m going to send this article to my parents, because I have been unable to articulate my choices like you have. I currently live in the US so have not faced the blatant discrimination you talk about but will be prepared for that when I return. Thanks again.