March 25, 2013
THEY CALL ME Indian. No, not that kind of Indian. Dot, not feather. This is the sort of thing a person of South Asian heritage gets used to being asked frequently in America. Insensitivity of those types of comments aside, there is certainly a lot one can hear about being Indian without knowing the reality, [...]
September 26, 2010
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EXCEPT, I DON'T quite feel like Alice in Wonderland. Absurd would be a more appropriate term to describe this recent development that requires the family of a deceased Zoroastrian (Parsi/Irani) woman married to a non-Zoroastrian to file an affidavit stating she was a practicing Zoroastrian all her life in order to receive funeral rites that are the default option and birthright of all Zoroastrian men, single, 1000mg Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl, gay, Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl overseas, purple, married to Martians or otherwise.
Apparently, Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl usa, the earlier procedure, Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl mexico, an affidavit filed by the woman herself in her lifetime, is inadequate. And no one is asking why women have to prove non-"desertion" by an act of marriage while it is casually assumed that men are piously practicing holy men who have no reason to adopt the religion of their partner, Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl australia.
Oh, 20mg Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl, did I just call it absurd. How about we add demeaning, humiliating and sickeningly offensive, Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl japan. There are so many reasons I am proud to be a Parsi. Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl ebay, This, let it go on record, IS NOT ONE OF THEM. I must state here that this is a resolution passed by the BPP, 100mg Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl, a Bombay-specific body, 250mg Canadian Pharmacy Bonnie Hunt Flagyl, and does not hold true for Zoroastrians elsewhere in the world (thank heavens!) Nations the world over are proof of how little progress is made when its women are treated like second-class citizens and it is heartbreaking to see an otherwise progressive community do this to more than half its populace, sometimes with the blessing of that ill-informed second-class gender.
For an older post and some history on the subject, go here.
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July 01, 2010
Alcohol And Amoxicillin, LIKE MANY WOMEN, my reaction -- or shall we say relationship. -- to Elizabeth Gilbert's juggernaut bestseller Eat Pray Love (first published and 2006 and by 2008 a global sensation) was complicated. On the one hand, the book is mildly embarrassing; Eat Pray Love falls squarely in the chick lit category, a schmaltzy fairytale-like admission to the feminine hankering for fairytale-like love (someone even recently quipped on Twitter that the first problem she had with it was how to hide the fact that she was reading it). On the other hand, however, it's a rather good read, a true story, a real woman's memoir of overcoming a comparatively small yet personally overwhelming struggle. In its own fairytale-like way, it is irresistible -- but this was also the source of its doom.
Now, for the few of you who may insist that you know nothing about Eat Pray Love, here it is in a nutshell: a financially successful but not particularly famous author finds herself getting divorced, going into depression, and then taking a year to travel in order to reinvigorate her life, Alcohol And Amoxicillin. In Italy, Alcohol And Amoxicillin uk, she indulges - eating her way through the first third of the year. In India, she joins an ashram (the book is extremely spiritual, and this section is so heartrendingly painful that you wonder why anyone would call this book fluffy... until you get to the next). And finally, in Indonesia, tying up the circle in perfectly fairytale style, she finds love. Alcohol And Amoxicillin, All of this is a true story, told in a fashion that is alternately charming, mildly annoying, and deeply honest.
So when the sequel came out, of course I had to read it. Snarkily, with some of usual disclaimers, but with some real excitement about its subject matter (which trumped any reservations brought on by my passive-aggressive crush on the earlier book), 50mg Alcohol And Amoxicillin. Committed: A Skeptic's View of Marriage picks up where Eat Pray Love left off - i.e. the author and her Brazilian-born, Bali-discovered lover float off into their happily ever after. Until the US government interfered, Alcohol And Amoxicillin.
As a foreigner whose trips into the country were not only frequent, but whose exits themselves were only border runs for visa renewals, Gilbert's partner Felipe finds himself in trouble with Immigration. Fortunately, they are given a choice: if they get married, they can continue their lifestyle (sans border running, too!). Desperately, they agree -- but both having survived divorce, Alcohol And Amoxicillin canada, the idea of remarriage is significantly terrifying. But the process is so complex that the couple essentially has to spend almost a year outside the country, waiting for the fiancee visa to come through, and Gilbert spends this time confronting her traumas and issues about the institution of marriage, its history in American society (paradigms which are increasingly emulated around the world), its relevance to contemporary life, and how it compares and has evolved (or not) based on cultural and religious circumstances -- ruminations and research that eventually became Committed.
Committed Alcohol And Amoxicillin, is a feminist memoir, make no mistake about it. It is an empowering, thought-provoking read that I would recommend to anyone who 1. wants to marry, 2. doesn't want to marry, 3. is concerned about civil rights and international affairs (in all senses of the term!), 40mg Alcohol And Amoxicillin. It's important that the events it describes happened prior to Eat Pray Love's insane success, Alcohol And Amoxicillin. Not unlike the happy coincidence of having met her new love at the end of her first book's journey, a happy coincidence which resulted in an almost too-perfect book, everything that happens therein was spontaneous. Gilbert leaves little doubt that nowhere during her ten months of bad traffic and matrimonial panic wandering around Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia could it have occurred to her that she might exploit this bout of hard luck. She went through the experience with no guarantee of a platform to discuss, let alone capitalise on, it. Because of this, it is all the more relevant. Alcohol And Amoxicillin, This isn't a celebrity memoir, but an ordinary couple's absolutely commonplace struggle in a world that loves and enforces its borders even as it claims to have none.
Now, this sort of gets back to the problem with Eat Pray Love. 500mg Alcohol And Amoxicillin, Which was not, strictly speaking, a real problem with Eat Pray Love itself, but with exactly how the memoir got co-opted into the chick-lit category. Not chick-lit as in light and fun, but chick-lit as in delusional-inducing, Prince-awaiting, hearts-a-breaking. And that problem was that many - many, many, many - of us are where Gilbert was at the start of that book. Lying on the bathroom floor bawling, Alcohol And Amoxicillin. And in the course of a few hundred pages, in about a year, she was both literally and figuratively somewhere else altogether, Alcohol And Amoxicillin mexico. And the book was so engaging that it made it look easy.
The problem, essentially, was the expectation created. I encountered this personally in my own life, and practically every woman friend who has read it has admitted to the same rues. Alcohol And Amoxicillin, Some of them had become especially resentful toward Gilbert. This was not a phenomenon restricted to my circles -- a real backlash against Eat Pray Love and its author occurred among its disenchanted readership. Its most common contentions, as discussed on comment forums all over the Internet, were that Gilbert was selfish, and as a white American with some wealth, she was operating from a place of privilege and entitlement. Alcohol And Amoxicillin australia, "Not all of us can give up our lives and jetset for a year" was a common refrain -- as though if only we could, we would also land ourselves true love and astronomical book sales (a phrase Gilbert's own sister, married with children and obligations of her own, sarcastically echoes in one email exchange in the book).
But here's the thing. I don't think - especially having noticed Committed's incredible redemptive powers - that Gilbert meant for her memoir to have anything to do with typically misguiding light literature aimed at women, Alcohol And Amoxicillin. How Eat Pray Love has been marketed - even by readers who recommend it - has not done it justice.
On its own steam, Committed is an important book, completely relevant to our world today and the choices we are faced with as thinking women who sometimes have no alternative but to acquiesce to a fundamentally patriarchal institution (even if we believe we want it, with eyes open or closed). But it's also a most marvellous redemption for Eat Pray Love's unintended consequences (and there were some). As she points out almost guilelessly in the introduction, prior to Eat Pray Love, Gilbert was mostly known for writing about men, 1000mg Alcohol And Amoxicillin. Her three prior books - Stern Men Alcohol And Amoxicillin, , Pilgrims and The Last American Man - were explorations of masculine life -- fiction and nonfiction about "supermacho characters: cowboys, lobster fishermen hunters, trucksters, Teamsters, woodmen". As a journalist, Gilbert had even gone as far as dressing in drag for a week, complete with a birdseed filled condom stuffed in her pants.
She doesn't mention this in this book, but it occurred to me that even before Eat Pray Love, it is ironic that the most lucrative of her projects was probably when a magazine article she wrote about her bartending experiences became the basis for the decidedly fluffy rom-com flick Coyote Ugly. Sadly, between that and Eat Pray Love, her broader scope of work was overshadowed. Call it Gilbert's chick-lit curse. And Committed, quite decisively, breaks it, Alcohol And Amoxicillin.
The truth is, I am still bawling on my floor. 20mg Alcohol And Amoxicillin, And I do wish I hadn't ever heard the word-of-mouth that hyped Eat Pray Love as some sort of semi-prophetic text, because it did result in a few regrettable actions for me at the time (oh hey, a few good anecdotes too). But Committed's redemptive powers are such that not only does it completely absolve Gilbert of any hand played in the prolonged miseries of some of her readers, but it also elevates her, in a way that Eat Pray Love couldn't possibly, to the role already assigned to her by the same masses of sad readers: that of the high priestess, the knowing one, a Solomon-like figure who could provide a solution.
Marriage, whether we like it or not, is a necessary decision for many of us. Alcohol And Amoxicillin, Whether the larger bodies we aim to please are governments, families, societies or own guilt-tripping demons, it can be an inevitability. Committed does two things, and does them beautifully -- it strips the institution of its veneer of romance, Alcohol And Amoxicillin coupon. And then it reinstates it, at a far more meaningful level.
Committed will probably help many more women's hearts and choices than Eat Pray Love did because there is absolutely nothing here but gritty realism -- the facts of the world and its requirements, and how a relationship must necessarily be an accord of solidarity in negotiating these facts and requirements. It will also, hopefully, further the cause of same-sex marriage. As Gilbert most unselfishly points out in the book, she and Felipe are fortunate to even have this choice, Alcohol And Amoxicillin. Across the world, most lovers of the same gender do not. And when it comes to the paperwork -- immigration, insurance, death and taxes - they suffer in ways that heterosexuals can take for granted that they won't have to.
And Eat Pray Love, that old bugaboo. Let's just say I am really looking forward to the film. Aren't you.
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October 22, 2009
Online Clomid Rx, LEAFING THROUGH PICTURES mailed by a friend, I find one of me on the beach laughing uninhibitedly with my hair streaming in the wind, and I smile to myself thinking ‘this is so me.’ I am a single woman in her thirties, have never been married and have no ‘special relationship’ with any man. Yes, at times, I do long for companionship and romance but for the most part, I revel in my being single, 150mg Online Clomid Rx. I enjoy the time and space I have and the freedom to explore love, life and relationships in my own way without the responsibilities that come with being a wife or a mother. Yet, Online Clomid Rx usa, living in a patriarchal society where a woman is expected to prize above all, the role of wife and mother, being single also means having to regularly encounter reactions ranging from the sympathetic to the malicious.
I do understand the curiosity others display about my personal life. I probably seem like something of an oddball to them and I've got used to fielding questions about the reasons for my choosing to remain unmarried, Online Clomid Rx. My reply -- that I am single because I have not yet come across the right person and that I am against the arranged marriage system where caste and religion are of prime importance and superficial qualities such as colour of skin and looks assume greater significance than the kind of person one is -- does not seem good enough, Online Clomid Rx india. It's usually followed by advice about why I should not be so rigid and ‘settle down.’ I have got used to that too.
The hostile remarks get to me though. Sample this. Online Clomid Rx, One man asked me if I was single because I was ‘tainted.’ The same man also told me that my parents had been irresponsible and if he had been in my Dad’s place, he would have whacked me and seen to it that I got married at the ‘right age.’ I have been told by male colleagues that my being single gives men fodder for gossip about me and that if only I got married, the gossip would die down. 30mg Online Clomid Rx, I have been let in on some of the gossip and it is hurtful. I know this happens to other single women as well. A woman’s single status seems reason enough for men to speculate about her personal life and sexuality. Then, there are times when I have had to fend off men who assume that I must be eager to jump into bed with any man just because I am single, Online Clomid Rx australia. Of course, there is the ‘frustrated spinster’ tag that is lobbed at me even when I justifiably lose my cool in the workplace or with family, Online Clomid Rx. Mercifully, I haven’t had to deal with worse.
I recall my visit to Ahmedabad some years ago to visit a woman friend, Online Clomid Rx paypal, also single. Her work demanded that she travel frequently and she often had to leave and return home at odd hours. We were leaving her apartment one morning when she spotted a few of her neighbours talking to each other. Online Clomid Rx, She warned me to ignore their remarks. Later, she told me that when she walked past, Online Clomid Rx ebay, her neighbours sometimes called her a prostitute.
On a similar note, I have heard of a single woman in Mumbai being summoned by the residents association to explain her ‘indecent behaviour’ as she returned home late at times. 250mg Online Clomid Rx, The single woman, it would seem, is expected to adhere to some unwritten code of conduct -- to not have male friends, not socialise with men, not entertain friends at home, Online Clomid Rx mexico, to be home by a ‘respectable’ hour and so on. It also seems that it is okay to make assumptions about her character and to subject her to verbal abuse and harassment if she deviates from this code.
Even in this day and age, Online Clomid Rx coupon, even in urban India, people find it difficult to accept that a woman can choose to remain single and lead a healthy, happy and full life. The idea that the single woman is entitled to the full range of freedoms that any other adult does and is entitled to live her life as she chooses is also one that is yet to gain full acceptance in our society. I wonder when the day will arrive when the single woman can just be and people see her as she is and respect her for what she is instead of making assumptions about her and her character based on her single status.
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October 10, 2008
UNMANA INITIATED a lively discussion on marriage Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist, a few weeks ago, and there is news now that the institution as we legally define it in India may be set to change. Maharashtra is picking up the cause of legalising live-in relationships and providing more rights to extramarital female parties within a marriage. 250mg Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist, The state cabinet announced on Wednesday that the definition of the word "wife" under Section 125 of the Criminal Procedure Code may be amended, thus facilitating the expansion of the institution of marriage. The bill cannot be cleared without the Centre's approval, 750mg Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist, and the amendment has been suggested ostensibly in the interest of securing the rights of women in relationships that do not have the protection of the law. 10mg Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist,
To my understanding, there are two points to be considered here, and personally I applaud both:
1, Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist usa. Live-in relationships of over a certain "reasonable duration" (yet to be determined), are treated as common law marriages.
2, Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist. Female parties not legally bound within a marriage (a non-primary partner of a polygamous husband) also get the legal status of wives.
Of course, Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist canada, there are a huge number of grey areas in relation to both categories. First and most obvious of all, an effective legalisation of polygamy will be a veritable minefield in itself, 1000mg Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist. It is arguable, Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist japan, for instance, that in protecting the rights of the "other woman" in a marriage, the rights of the official/first wife are curtailed. How exactly will a couple prove that they have lived together long enough to meet the law's criteria? And lastly, 40mg Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist, why aren't these provisions also extended to male non-primary partners, 200mg Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist, and what if they were. Monogamy may not be better -- but it is certainly legally simpler.
What do you think of this move -- should we hold on to straightforward matrimonial monogamy, or expand the definition of marriage, 50mg Hydroquinone Retin A All Day Chemist. If, like me, you are in cautious theoretical support, what kinds of solutions might be viable in tackling the grey areas that this legal amendment will encounter?
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September 16, 2008
HELLO UV READERS! How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, I’m excited to be writing my first post here. And going by the old feminist slogan, “the personal is political", my first post is about something that is intensely personal: marriage. My views on marriage have always been ambivalent. Even as a child, I recognized that most marriages I saw around me were unsatisfactory and, almost always, unfair on the woman, 10mg How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining. But it seemed like the default option. Once you grew up, you got married, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining. Usually by the time you were 25 if you were female. You had a few more years if you were male.
Early on, possibly influenced by books I read, I rejected arranged marriage as an option. I was taken with the idea of marriage as an outcome of romantic love -– you love someone so much you want to spend the rest of your life with him –- but an arranged marriage was something I couldn’t understand (and still can’t but that’s not the subject of this post). How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, Conforming with my own belief, I got married when I was 25. How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining coupon, But the fitting into a stereotype ended there. I married a man from a different community who had grown up in the opposite end of the country (his Gujarat to my Assam) and who was as opposed to tradition and rituals as I was. We got married in the quietest way possible: in the registrar’s office, in the presence of only indispensable friends and family.
Before marriage, I had been living on my own in a rented flat while he lived with roommates. We had decided it would be practical for him to move in with me, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining. So after the vows, we all went to my home -– now our home –- for lunch. My mother-in-law insisted on a few rituals and we indulged her, 150mg How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining. We also had a party in the evening where we dressed up in Indian clothes. I wore sindoor and a mangalsutra. How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, But that was the extent of our bow to tradition.
Marriage didn’t change things much for either of us. The biggest difference was that we were more comfortable with each other in public and with each other’s families. But otherwise, we behaved much like we always had: enjoying each other’s company, talking for hours, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining usa, watching movies, shopping, cooking and eating together. In terms of household chores, we shared things pretty equitably, each of us choosing the tasks we wanted to do. He ran errands more often than I did –- primarily because I don’t drive –- but he participated enthusiastically in household chores as well, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining. I never knew what to say when people asked, “How’s married life?” “Not much different” was usually met with incredulity.
To me, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining uk, husband merely means ‘male spouse’ and wife means ‘female spouse’. But that doesn’t seem to be in sync with other people’s perceptions of these terms. Women may have become more independent and men more considerate, but a ‘wife’ is still supposed to cook and clean while the ‘husband’ -– what. How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, Pays bills. Watches TV. People greet with surprise even the declaration that he cooks (and enjoys it). It surprises and saddens me that it is such a big deal for the man to share (let alone share equally) the housework though it is now common for the wife to work outside and earn equally. 30mg How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, The terms 'husband' and 'wife' are loaded with gender stereotyping. I am considering dropping these terms entirely and referring to him merely as my partner, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining.
In fact, over time, I have come to believe that marriage itself is an outdated institution. When I first read this post long ago, I disagreed vehemently but I realised later that she was right. Even if one puts aside (for the moment), societal perceptions of gender roles within a marriage, a ‘marriage’ is supposed to be a lifelong bond between a man and a woman, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining japan. But that isn’t what I want, or what I would call my relationship. How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, Life is too long for me to be able to predict what I want for the rest of my life. I like and admire the person I married more than any other person I know but then, I've known him for only five years. How can I predict that we’ll still be in love after ten, twenty, fifty years. 200mg How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, Today, we live with each other because we prefer it. If some day, either of us derives more discomfort than pleasure from the relationship, we’ll know it’s time to separate. A relationship shouldn’t be a bond that shackles people to unhappiness, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining.
We got ‘legally’ married because that was the only aspect of getting ‘married’ that made sense to us. Rituals didn’t mean anything. Our family already knew and approved. Friends and acquaintances knew we were a couple, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining craiglist. How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, But we knew our parents would not understand us living together without getting married (and without any intention of doing so) and we recognised that the legal status of marriage would make things easier (to rent a house together, for example, or to travel together).
But I don't see why the state should interfere in people’s personal lives at all. Why should it matter to the government who I live with, have sex with, procreate with.
I can think of three objections people may raise to the idea of doing away with marriage altogether. One, the spouse’s rights are protected by law. Secondly, there is the question of the care and custody of children, How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining. 1000mg How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, Finally, marriage might be said to enable stable families.
But property rights can be protected through shared ownership and wills. We should perhaps have some mechanism through which you can register one person as your “next of kin” with their consent. That takes care of who to inform in a medical emergency or whose permission is to be taken if the individual is incapacitated and a medical decision needs to be made. How Do You Prove Tetracycline Staining, The question of children arises even in cases where marriage fails. Divorced couples do manage. Why should it be any different or more difficult if the couple have never been married to each other. As for the last objection -- a relationship in which one or both partners are unhappy but are bound together isn’t stability; it’s confinement.
So I do advocate the end of marriage as an institution. Not that I see it happening anytime soon. But I feel we should treat ourselves as adults, free to navigate our own lives and relationships without religion or the state defining and adjudicating them for us.
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